I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize