Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were destined to go to rehab together
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
