Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
