either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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