oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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