Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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