So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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