She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
