he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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