they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
