she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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