tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
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Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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