I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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