She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She needs sedatives and a leash
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
