I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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