hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
