there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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