Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
