The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
