Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
