I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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