I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
