Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
