I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My vagina is officially offended.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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