I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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