I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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I have aggressive nipples.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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