You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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