I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
