Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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