Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
