So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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