Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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