Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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