He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
