K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
