there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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