I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
