my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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