We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.