I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom