Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
