I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
