found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
