At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
