we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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