true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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