I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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