WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
