Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
