I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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