my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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