Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
