Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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