Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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