I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
