I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
