I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
