imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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