I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
