This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's like heaven, but drunker
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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