I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize