and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
