I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
