whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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